Letting Go of Glass Unicorns
by misscam
Summary: Maybe that's what grief is, finding what you let go of and what you want to hold on to. In the aftermath of letting Emma go, those who loved her try to figure out how. [Snow/Charming, Regina, Hook, Neal, Belle.]


Letting Go of Glass Unicorns  
by misscam

Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my words.

Author's Notes: Set after 3x11, will probably be made AU by 3x12. Centered on Snow and Charming, with references to Neal and Hook's feelings for Emma, Belle's feelings for Rumpelstiltskin and the possibility of Regina and Robin Hood.  
Written for entry 24 of my advent calendar, using prompts from a group of evil, evil people we'll just call the Siths. Happy holidays, my dears! Thanks to Angie for beta.

II

As the purple magic of the curse undone descends on them, Snow clings to Charming's hand and feels... Feels too much, pain and loss and even some happiness for her darling daughter finally getting a happy ending of sorts.

It just won't be with them, and the unfairness of that threatens to choke her as well.

All she wanted was to raise their child together with Charming; be a family. And when that was taken from them, she still wanted to be a mother to Emma in any way she could. Now she can't be that either. She can't even be a memory to Emma, can't give her daughter the certainty that she is loved more than life.

Henry will give Emma family and love, Snow knows that, and Emma won't even remember what she is missing.

But Snow will, and her heart aches with it. Charming feels it too, she knows, his hand squeezing hers in comfort. This is an end, she thinks darkly. Emma found them and now they're losing her.

Again.

This is an end. Emma's happy ending, but not theirs.

What comes after? Where do they even begin after an end like this?

II

When the smoke clears, they find themselves home.

The Enchanted Forest manages to be familiar and yet feeling distant at the same time. It is their home, but they've been away from it for so long that returning to it feels odd. It's like going back to a childhood home as an adult; everything feeling slightly different in a way that is hard to pinpoint.

Of course, that's because they have changed, not because their home has. They're not the same people now.

They've changed, Snow thinks, and glances at Regina. Regina looks back, and for a moment it's two mothers in joint grief. Then Regina looks away, but it's still enough to give Snow hope that maybe, maybe this time loss will be a uniting factor.

"Snow!" a voice calls, and she looks around to see Aurora and who has to be Philip come running towards them. "Is that really you?"

She has her long hair back, Snow notices dimly. They're all back in clothes from the Enchanted Forest too, as if they've been put back just as they were.

On the outside, at least.

"Yes," Snow says, and she can't summon the strength to sound happy about it at all. "We're back."

II

The undoing of the curse appears to have returned everyone to different places in the Enchanted Forest depending on where they were as the curse was undone. Snow hopes everyone is safe, and that the advance warning they sent Ruby to give helped to prepare as many as possible for the sudden return.

She knows most longed for it, that despite all the comforts of Storybrooke, few considered it truly home. If she's fully honest, she has to admit she didn't either, but to keep her family together, she would have stayed there and been happy.

Charming keeps himself busy, organizing tents being set up, as well as a few hunting parties to get them food from the forest. Regina doesn't bother with that, simply using magic to summon some food and then claiming one of the tents as her own.

Later, Snow can hear muffled crying from inside it, and hesitates for a long time before deciding not to go in. She doesn't think Regina would appreciate her company, not yet.

Belle does, though, and Snow sits next to her by a small campfire. Haltingly, Belle talks about Rumpelstiltskin as her beloved, such a different image of the man they all knew. Charming saw glimpses of what Belle is talking about, Snow knows, but glimpses only. Neal probably saw someone else entirely, the desperate father, but he seems to be busying himself with tasks as a way of coping with the grief rather than talking.

There is no right way to deal with grief, Snow knows. There is only your way.

She'll have to find hers.

II

Charming is exhausted as he enters their tent in the evening, and she pulls him onto the bedding she has created without a word. He closes his eyes and sighs as she wraps her arms around him, and they cling to each other in the dark.

"Snow," he says quietly, brokenly. He's been the leader all day, she knows, just as she has been, and now they can let that go and grieve together.

"I know," she whispers, feeling the sobs rise and almost choke her. "I know."

She is crying, she realizes, as he pulls back slightly and smiles at her sadly and yet lovingly. His thumbs brush away her tears, and then he kisses her cheeks. He finds comfort in comforting her, she knows, and lets him kiss and caress her until she's all out of tears and is quiet.

"What are we going to do?" she murmurs, even as she knows the answer.

"We'll do what Emma would want us to do," he says quietly, but confidently. He knows their daughter loves them now. They have at least been given that knowledge, seeing it in the desperation in their daughter's eyes as she learned they would be separated again. "We'll make a happy ending of this somehow."

She nods, and kisses him, and wishes she believed they could.

II

In the darkness, they offer and give comfort to each other, kissing and caressing again and again. It's love and grief mingled, and she can't tell where one ends and one begins anymore.

Charming presses his forehead against hers as he presses into her, and she digs her fingers into his shoulder. She wants to be close to him, be with him, be his, and she can feel the same desire in him. His body clings to hers as he moves, and he dips his head down and kisses her at every slow thrust he makes.

He's all she has now, she thinks, and doesn't let go.

II

Undoing the curse will have undone the devastating effects it had on the land, Regina tells them in the morning. Their castle will be whole again, should they wish to return.

The dwarfs do. Belle and Neal prefer to head to Rumpelstiltskin's castle, looking for some way to find out what really happened to him, and if they can bring him back. (And secretly, for Neal to look for some way to get to Emma, Snow is sure, but doesn't comment.)

Belle hugs Charming and Snow both, and Snow takes Belle's hands in her own as they're about to part.

"Charming and I, we had a saying," she says, and feels Charming's hand on her back. "Every time we were forced apart, we said that we would always find each other."

Belle swallows. "Hope."

"Hope," Snow agrees. "We're hoping to retire it now, to stay found. But it worked."

"I told Rumple I would see him again," Belle says, seeming to draw strength from her words. "I will. I will see him again."

Snow nods. She knows that it might not come true, that Belle may have lost her love. But she also knows she could have lost Charming so many times and didn't. Hope. Sometimes it comes true. "Good luck, Belle."

Neal is still looking as if he's in a daze. "I will come visit you after I've explored papa's castle. I'm not giving up on Emma. I'm not."

"We're _not _giving up on her," Charming says angrily. "But we're not risking her happiness for anything. She's earned her happy ending."

"I know," Neal says quietly, and Snow knows he was hoping it would be with him.

Regina wants to come with them, acting as if it's a given that she would travel with her former enemies. Perhaps it's because Regina has no one else to travel with, but Snow still wonders.

Hook also wants to come with Charming and herself, to Snow's surprise.

"Your family has an uncanny tendency to find each other," he says when she asks. "I would like to see her again, and my chances of it increase by staying with you two."

"That's not all, is it?" Charming asks, giving him a thoughtful look.

"Ever so right, mate," Hook says, smiling faintly. "You're her parents. It's the closest I'll get to her, so get used to my presence."

"Just don't hit on my wife so I'll have to cut off your other hand," Charming says, but it's almost friendly as far as her husband is concerned.

"No promises," Hook says and winks, and Charming gives him a pointed look. "Fine, mate. I'll be less of a pirate and more of an officer around her. But I suspect she would cut off my hand herself if it came to that, because I don't think your daughter just inherited her mother's beauty."

Snow thinks of her daughter, and sees Charming look at her fondly.

"No," he says, and she can hear the love for Emma mixed with his love for her in his voice. "She definitely didn't."

II

"Henry would have loved this," Regina says quietly as they ride towards the castle. (Apparently the curse being undone has returned the horses to their realm as well.)

"He loved fairy tales," Snow agrees quietly.

"He loved the idea of heroes," Regina goes on. She laughs almost bitterly. "Perhaps because he was raised by a villain."

"He was raised by a mother," Snow offers, an olive branch that she half expects to be brushed off.

"Mother and villain in one," Regina says instead. Perhaps she is thinking of her own mother too. "It's hard to love someone you know has done so many horrible things."

"But not impossible," Snow says, and Regina nods very faintly.

It's a start, Snow thinks. A moment.

II

Their castle is as they remember it, but not as Snow last saw it. It is restored now, gleaming in the sunlight and making Charming smile. He never saw it ruined, like an all too physical symbol of what they lost with the curse. She did, and isn't sure how she feels about looking at it again.

Others who were returned by the undoing of the curse have already come to the castle, and it's teeming with life as they enter. Their arrival gets cheers and smiles, though a few also give Regina pointed stares. Being returned doesn't make up for having ripped them from this world in the first place, which Regina seems to know from how she simply lowers her head at every stare.

The courtyard, the kitchens, the ballroom, the council chamber, their bedroom... It's all as they remember. So is the nursery, now as it were when it was ready for Emma's arrival and not the ruined version Snow saw when she and Emma were there. Charming takes one look at it and pales, and Snow buries her head against his chest.

"Her nursery," he says, "I didn't realize it would be..."

"It's like everything else," Snow says quietly. "It is like it was before the curse hit."

"Even the mobile," he says in wonder, and she glances over at the mobile of glass unicorns above the crib. Yes. Even the mobile. "We can't... We can't use this room, Snow. Not even for another baby."

"No," she agrees. "We'll keep it as it is. It will stay Emma's nursery forever."

He nods, then presses a lingering kiss against her forehead as they watch the light play across the glass unicorns, the only play they'll ever have now.

II

Even if the land is restored, there is still a lot of organizing and rebuilding to do, putting the kingdoms back together. Regina seems to pour all her energy into that, as if she finds it a suitable distraction – or perhaps a suitable way to work on fixing what the Evil Queen ruined.

For Henry, Snow supposes.

Neal and Belle return from Rumpelstiltskin's castle with magical items and very little hope, but bringing Robin Hood and his Merry Men with them. She knows Robin Hood of old, making Charming eye the other man with slight suspicion.

Not everyone is happy about their return, Robin Hood tells them. He's heard rumors that a wicked witch that is unhappy indeed, and gives Regina a look that she returns with steel and just a tiny bit of a spark.

II

Hook gets his own chamber in their castle, Charming offering it with a few comments about how it will probably be filled with rum soon enough, and Hook smiles guiltily as if caught.

It isn't, though, Charming tells her, having caught a glimpse of it accidentally one day. It's filled with drawings and maps and books, everything a man wanting to cross realms would need for planning.

Neal has a room for whenever he stays over as well, stacked with magical items from his father's castle, everything a man wanting to cross realms might find useful.

Snow can't blame either of them. If it was Charming, she might have spent her whole life trying to find her way back to him, and the thought makes her bury her head against his shoulder and cling to him.

But young lovers can afford to be selfish. Parents often can't.

II

Snow wakes to an empty bed one night, for a moment feeling nothing but panic. Charming. She's lost Charming too now, she's alone, she's...

Then she sees him standing by the window in only his night shirt, looking out into the night. He's alive. He's alive, and here, and she still has him at least.

The relief is almost painful. "Charming?"

"Snow," he says, turning to look at her with a slightly guilty expression. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

She gets out of bed, walking over to him. Only then does she see the haunted look in his eyes. "Charming?"

"It was just a nightmare," he says quietly, and she knows it wasn't just.

"You were in the burning room again, weren't you?" she asks, already knowing the answer from the look on his face.

"Yes," he admits quietly.

"You still have nightmares and you didn't tell me?" she says, feeling her anger rise.

"Yes," he says simply, making no apologies.

"Stop trying to protect me!"

"You might as well ask me to stop breathing!" he says angrily. "Snow, you're all I have now!"

"You're all I have!" she counters, staring at him, willing him to understand. "I can't lose you, you stubborn, overprotective..."

He kisses her angrily before she can finish, his lips hard against hers and the force of it pressing her against the wall. She links her hands around his neck in response, pushing back against him until he growls lightly and lifts her up. She scrapes her teeth against his lower lip, then tugs at it until his lips part and his mouth is encasing hers.

They kiss, breathlessly and passionately, as he stumbles them both to the bed and then he's pressing her down into the mattress. She's dimly aware of cloth being torn, then realizes it's her hands tearing at his shirt.

He breaks the kiss to discard the ruined garment and his underwear, then yanks her nightgown and underwear off before finding her lips again. The sensation of skin against skin makes her sigh in satisfaction, drawing her hands across his chest, his arms, his back, his sides and the curve of his buttocks. They're already grinding a little against each other, and she can feel him growing hard against her stomach.

She whimpers when he moves a hand between her legs, his caress suddenly gentle and featherlight, even when she digs her fingers into his back. She presses against his hand, trying to egg him on, but he merely deepens the kiss and keeps his fingers brushing so lightly she aches with it.

So when he suddenly presses his thumb against the bundle of nerves just right, the pleasure of it is like a sharp pain setting her alight. She barely has time to draw a shuddering breath before his hands are on her hips, steadying her as he thrusts into her.

Yes, she thinks possessively, linking her legs behind him and drawing him further in. Yes, yes, yes, and she clenches her muscles around him every time he's deep inside her, feeling his hands steady her at every sharp thrust. He is still kissing her too, his tongue dancing against hers, and each moan they make reverberating back and forth between them.

She isn't even sure who comes first, her orgasm coming so hard it feels like coming apart, and when she regains her senses, Charming is collapsed on top of her and panting against her shoulder. She doesn't mind the weight of him, finding the sensation of being wrapped in him like a blanket as erotic as always.

He shifts them to have her on top after a few moments, managing to fumble a blanket halfway over them. His skin is still wonderfully warm against hers, but she knows the sweat clinging to them both will cool them soon enough so a blanket is probably a good idea.

"I'm sorry," he says after a while, kissing her forehead. "I shouldn't have kept it from you. I just didn't wish to burden you further, not with the recent loss of Emma."

"I know," she says quietly. That will always be Charming, looking to protect her, looking to keep burdens from her. She loves that in him, how much he loves her. It will just also make her angry sometimes.

"I love you," he says, and she smiles faintly at him.

"I know that too," she says, and kisses him.

II

They find a wrapped drawing of Emma by their bed one day, a lovely portrait they have no idea who made. Except it has to be someone who loved their daughter just as much as them, because the drawing seemed filled with love in every line.

Charming gets it framed and puts it up in their bedroom, and then commissions an actual painting of her for the hall from a talented housewife in one of the villages. It's lovely, managing to make Emma seem almost regal even in red leather. Henry is by her side, and they have a copy painted of just Henry for Regina's room.

Emma and Henry might never live here, Snow figures, but at least they will always be here in spirit.

II

Hook keeps coming to Charming with ideas on how to return to Emma. Neal keeps coming to Snow. Neither of them discourage the men, maybe even hoping deep down that they will succeed one day even as they also don't.

"I selfishly wish we could get Emma back," Charming tells her one morning in bed, and she caresses his cheek gently. "I also can't quite make myself wish it fully. If she's happy, then how can I wish that she has all her painful memories of giving Henry up back?"

"I know," she says. "I feel the same. I hope for her to return to us one day, yet I can't make myself wish it. I can't. If she's happy..."

"If she's happy, we'll be happy for her," he says, his voice thick.

"And she'll never know it," Snow says, and stares at the light of the dawn crawling In through their window, imagining Emma waking up in another realm and seeing the morning light as well.

II

Snow catches Regina looking at Emma and Henry's portrait in the hall one morning, and for a moment Regina looks ready to make a sassy comment, but then she sighs.

"I keep thinking about what Henry told me," she says quietly. "About being sorry he brought Emma to Storybrooke, that we wouldn't have to be separated if he hadn't."

"He loved you," Snow says, wondering if Regina is about to voice the same regret.

"I love him," Regina says, and her face lights up for a moment, making her seem almost young again. "But I can't regret him bringing Emma to Storybrooke. It made him happier. It made me a better mother in the time we had together. I don't regret the curse breaking. I don't."

Snow nods, tears in her eyes.

"So I don't regret your daughter being a part of his life," Regina goes on, glancing over at Snow. "Even if I hated her for a long time."

"You let it go," Snow says, and Regina nods slowly. "You gave them the memories of a life together. Thank you for that."

"It won't change what I did," Regina points out after a moment. "I cast the curse. I took her from you."

Snow swallows, somehow finding Regina's acknowledgment of what she did almost more painful than the refusal to face it at all. "No, it won't. I hated you for a long time for that."

If Regina notices the past tense, she doesn't comment. She glances up at the picture of Emma and Henry again, smiling ever so faintly.

"I'm going to hold on to who Henry wanted me to be," she says, and Snow wishes more than anything that that will stay true. "That's how I'll remember him."

II

Charming finds Snow in the council chambers one day, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else.

"No," she says before he's even spoken. "The answer is the same as last time. No."

"The request is the same as last time. They want us to have a ball in honor of our return," he says, and Snow feels bile at the back of her throat. "I know, Snow. But to most of them Emma is just a symbol. The savior. She's not a beloved daughter now lost and grieved. She's a symbol they want to honor, and to them, our return here is a cause for celebration."

Snow closes her eyes, and he steps closer and wraps his arms around her.

"No," she whispers, feeling tears prickle her eyes.

"They'll keep asking, Snow," he says, and she hates how right he is. "I'll tell them no if you want. But they'll ask again, and again."

She swallows, thinking of Emma. Emma hated the title of savior, but in the end, she almost seemed to cling to it. It was a part of her too, but not because Rumpelstiltskin prophesied it. Because Emma made it a part of her, saving others and trying to give everyone a happy ending.

"Yes," she finally says, closing her eyes as Charming kisses her tenderly. "Tell them yes."

II

Snow imagined her daughter's first ball many times, but never like this. Never a ball simply in honor of Emma without Emma there, and it feels almost like a haunting rather than a festive occasion.

Most others seem to enjoy it, though. Hook and Neal seem to find it an excuse to get drunk together and share their grief, and all the guests leave small mementos at the portrait of Emma they've put up in the hall.

It makes it feel like a shrine, and Snow bites back the bile again. Her daughter was her daughter, not some deity. At the same time, it also makes her proud to know her daughter affected so many lives.

She did save them all, even Regina through Henry.

Charming gives a very good speech, one that she knows it took him all night to perfect. He talks about his daughter, about her bravery and sacrifice, about her love, about her stubbornness, about her desire to protect and how loved she will always be. It makes Snow cry, and she can see the tears in his eyes too.

Everyone expresses sympathy for their loss afterwards, but very few really understand it, Snow knows. Belle maybe, who is there but in black, like a grieving window without the official title (but with just as much feeling).

Ariel and Eric are there, newly engaged and beaming, like an image of an actual happy ending. Aurora and Philip as well, with Aurora's pregnancy now very, very visible.

She should be happy for Aurora, Snow knows. She is. She's just also jealous, suddenly feeling the loss of motherhood like a sharp knife to her heart. She lost the chance to raise Emma, and now she has lost Emma herself.

Another reason why she resisted this ball, she knows. It feels like accepting that Emma is lost to them, and that they have to let her go.

II

Charming finds her in their room after the ball, sitting down on the bed and just waiting. She's always loved that about him too, she remembers, that he has the patience of a shepherd and will wait for her to be ready to let him in.

"I'm jealous of Aurora," she finally says. He tilts his head, looking slightly puzzled. "Not because of Philip. I have my prince, and he's the only one for me. My Charming. But she's pregnant."

"Ah," he says, nodding slightly.

"She will get to raise her child," she goes on, closing her eyes briefly. "I envy her so much it hurts."

He nods, swallowing, and she can see the pain on his face also. "Snow... Before the curse was undone, we spoke about having another child."

"Yes," she says, remembering her confession to him in the Echo Caves. "I still want to. I just..."

"You have to grieve Emma before you can let her go and think about the future without her," he says softly, sadly. "I know."

She smiles at him through her tears, her understanding, loving husband who knows her like he knows himself. Of course he knew. And, she knows, he needs to do the same. They will always love Emma, always treasure their memories of her, always hold onto her, but they can't cling to her either. Can't let her haunt them.

She would never allow them if she knew.

They have to make a start of their lives without Emma, as painful as that is.

"I love you," she says, and lifts her hands to the top of her gown. Without further ado, she pushes the gown down, letting it pool at her feet. Charming simply watches, swallowing slightly as she also steps out of her shoes and underwear and then unlaces her corset and lets it drop to the floor as well. Naked, she walks over to him, feeling his gaze like a caress against her skin.

He makes an almost strangled noise as she steps close, pulling her to stand between his legs and resting his head against her naked stomach. She laces her fingers in his hair, letting her own head fall backwards slightly as he begins peppering kisses around her navel.

"I love you," he whispers against her skin. "Snow..."

"Charming," she says possessively. He smiles at her tone, lifting his head to look at her. His eyes are bright with love. There is sadness too, will probably always be, but their daughter is somewhere safe and happy, and they still have each other. Those are good things.

That's a start.

He stands up and kisses her softly, brushing his lips against her again and again until she feels slightly lightheaded. Gently, he lifts her up and then lowers her onto the bed, making sure her head is resting at a pillow. For a moment, he simply looks at her through lowered eyelids, the heat in his gaze making her feel warm.

Then he lowers himself onto the bed too, his hands stroking her skin while he kisses a trail down her neck and along her shoulder, down the inside of her arm and along the top of her breasts ash she arches into him. He seems to get the hint but not take it, grinning slightly before breathing softly on her nipple.

"Charming," she warns, but before she can do anything he locks her wrists in one of his hands and pushes them above her head.

"I love you," he says again, kissing her softly and gently. She sighs into it, then moans as his free hand cups a breast and his thumb strokes her nipple. She presses herself against him in response, hearing him hum happily at the back of his throat. He may occasionally tease her about her impatience, but he loves how much she wants him and makes no secret of it, she knows.

He lets go of her wrists at last, lifting his head to kiss them lovingly before letting his mouth finally settle on one of her breasts. His tongue flicking against her nipple and then his teeth grazing it lightly makes her breath catch. He's still caressing her other breast with his hand, and the combined sensations are making her slightly breathless.

She hisses when his hands move downwards, two fingers sliding between her legs and then into her. She bucks at the touch as his thumb begins to lightly caress her and his fingers move softly in and out, all the while making trails of open-mouthed kisses along and across her breasts.

Her cheeks feel warm as he lifts his head and kisses her again, much more insistently this time. He tugs at her lips, his tongue brushing them until she parts them and he moans in encouragement. He seems content to kiss her deeply like so for a while, with his hands roaming her body.

She is far more impatient, and he growls into her mouth when her hands settle on the bulge in his pants. She strokes him lightly through the cloth, enjoying the sounds he's making into her mouth.

He breaks the kiss slightly, biting her lower lip lightly and then nipping at it with his lips. "That's unfair, Snow."

"What's unfair is me being naked and you not," she counters, pressing herself against him to underline her point.

"You have a point," he murmurs, kissing her before standing up. The loss of contact makes her groan, but he simply smiles and pulls his shirt over his head. It's she who watches this time, as he discards his boots and then pants and finally underwear. He lets her just look for a moment, letting her gaze travel his skin and scars. As painful as they are to see, the scars also make him Charming, she knows, the bad moments as well as the good.

They just have to find the good ones and hold onto those, she knows, as she told him once long ago, not knowing how many bad ones they would have to endure.

He moves back onto the bed, lying down and letting her straddle him. His manhood is straining slightly into the air, already hard, and she feels something akin to a twitch between her legs in response.

He lifts himself up to kiss her as his hands settle on her hips, helping her lift up and then lower herself on him. They both moan at that, kissing each other deeply as she sinks down and takes him in as deep as she can manage. They hold still for a moment, simply enjoying the sensation of being joined, familiar as it is. His thighs are hard against her buttocks, his palms soft against her skin and his mouth warm against hers.

He lets her be the one to set the pace, simply using his hands on her hips to help her move up and down at her desired speed. She's slow at first, rocking back and forth on him as much as moving up and down, feeling the desire to make this moment last for once overpower her natural impatience. He doesn't seem to mind at all, kissing her and humming happily every now and then at the back of his throat.

She changes the angle a few times until she finds the one that makes her gasp into his mouth every time she moves. He meets her with sharp thrusts every now and then as well, and she can feel his lips curve against hers at every moan she makes. It's pleasure, so much pleasure it's everything, and then his hands slip between her legs and there is nothing but pleasure.

She closes her eyes as it overtakes her, dimly aware of Charming holding her against him and steadying her. When she opens her eyes again, he is smiling, watching her with so much love that that is pleasure too.

Then he kisses her again, thrusting into her in a long, slick stroke and then shuddering with the force of his orgasm as he comes. She follows him down as he falls backwards, kissing him as he whimpers her name.

Afterwards, they lie nestled together, kissing and caressing each other slowly, every now and then pausing to smile at each other.

This wasn't just about making a baby, she knows, though she hopes they made one tonight. This was also about finding happiness in each other, as they have so many times before. Good moments.

She can always find good moments with him. She'll just have to let herself.

II

Robin and Regina keep fighting about the use of magic, Snow notices. Or about anything, really. They exchange barbs and pointed looks, and even icy silences sometimes.

That all changes when Roland is nearly killed by an ogre and Regina saves him with magic, and suddenly, the barbs become banter, the looks become tentative and the silences loaded.

Regina and Robin Hood, Snow considers. Whoever would have thought? But then again, a bandit and a shepherd, whoever would have thought that, and yet here she and Charming are.

The future isn't always what is planned for, she knows all too painfully well, but all they can do is make the best of what they get.

She is trying.

II

Belle makes frequent use of their library whenever she visits, sometimes spending half her visit simply reading in there. It makes Snow curious, and one day she simply asks why.

Belle looks almost distant. "Rumple had a library I could use. But... He gave it to me, you see. It was a gift. I tried going in there, but..."

"It felt haunted," Snow says quietly.

Belle nods. "But I also can't let it go or change it, so I just keep it locked up. That must sound stupid."

"No," Snow says, putting a hand on Belle's arm and smiling at her. "I do the same with Emma's nursery. I just can't..."

"Can't face it and can't let it go," Belle sums up, and Snow nods softly.

II

Hook gets a new tattoo of a swan inside a heart, Snow notices. Neal gets a blacksmith to make him something akin to a keychain with a swan on it that he wears around his neck.

Something to hold onto, she knows, and thinks of a nursery that will never see use again. Maybe that's what grief is, finding what you let go of and what you want to hold on to.

II

One morning Snow wakes to actual snow. It makes the land silent, shrouding it in a way that she's always found beautiful. She was born in winter, after all, and named for it.

Charming notices, of course. He always does, and so at lunchtime she finds herself being blindfolded and then kidnapped by her own husband. He kisses all her giggling protests silent, simply helping her up on a horse before getting on it as well, and riding them away from the castle.

When they stop, and he finally allows her to take the blindfold off, she discovers that they're in a quiet part of the forest that is completely covered by snow. It's beautiful, and reminding her of another winter spent playing in the snow.

Charming has even set up a small picnic area with hay to sit on so they won't freeze, and a lunch of all her favorite things. It's lovely, and makes her smile.

He smiles at her joy, at least until she hits him squarely in the chest with a snowball.

"Snow," he warns. She merely smiles at throws another, hitting him on the shoulder this time and getting one hitting her in the arm in response. It's war then, chasing each other with snowballs until Charming gets the idea to simply chase her, snowballs be damned. She laughs, and tries to fend him off but ends up trapped underneath him in a pile of snow.

"Got you," he says in satisfaction, as she tries to fill her hands with snow to shove it in his face. He just locks her hands against his chest and kisses her until she sighs against his lips. He lets go of her hands then, and she shoves the snow down his neck instead.

He gets her back, though, and they end up in a laughing, tangled heap in another pile of snow eventually, she with snow all over her hair and he with snow all other his clothes. They laugh, and laugh, and then kiss again, agreeing on a stalemate in the great snow war.

They make a snowman after, or rather she makes a snow-shepherd with a sheep, and he makes a snow princess and they grin stupidly at each other. It might be silly, but it's just the sort of snow day that Henry would have loved, and therefore Emma too, she knows.

She smiles wistfully at that, and Charming takes her hand.

"I wanted to give you a happy day," he says, cradling her face in his hands and looking at her intently.

"It is," she insists. "It is a happy day. All our happiness will always be tinged with some sadness, Charming. It's okay. We probably won't see our daughter again and that will always hurt. But it's okay. We'll still have good moments."

"Good moments," he echoes. "I told Emma that too, to look for the good moments between the bad."

She nods, smiling sadly. "Good advice, daddy."

"Daddy," he repeats, tasting the word. "Snow... When you told me you wanted another baby, I didn't just want it for you. I would like to be a parent for real."

"You will be a father," she tells him, and he gives her a light smile as if he thinks she's reassuring him. "No, Charming. You _will_ be a father."

He blinks slowly. "You're pregnant?"

She smiles, seeing his face light up. "Yes, I am. Doc confirmed it a few days ago. I've just been looking for the right moment to tell you."

"Five minutes after you found out would have been good," he jokes, his eyes warm and bright as he regards her. Gently, he lowers his head and kisses her, tangling his fingers into her long hair.

"We're going to have a child," he says, tasting the words, the happiness and bittersweetness of them.

"We are," she agrees. "Again."

II

At night, after Charming falls asleep, Snow leaves their bed silently and finds her way to the nursery. Emma's nursery. They'll have to make another one now, one for their new baby.

The glass unicorns as moving softly in the dark, the faint light from the hallway every now and then catching them. It makes Snow's heart ache with the terrible, terrible unfairness of it all.

"You're going to have a brother or sister, Emma," she tells the darkness. "I wish... No. I can't wish you were here, my darling daughter; because I hope you are happy where you are. But I want you to know that I miss you. We all do. You will always have a room here and be loved here. We'll hold on to that."

She closes her eyes, biting back her tears. "But your father once told you to look for the good moments. I told him that a long time ago. We're going to do that too, Emma. We're going to look for the good moments, starting with this child."

She puts her hands on her stomach, swallowing the lump in her throat. The unfairness of it still threatens to choke her sometimes, but she has to live with it. Has to find the good moments, has to believe it can get better, or she would lose herself to all the pain and regret.

"Snow," Charming says behind her, and she knows he must have been standing there a while, not wanting to interrupt her moment. She turns around, seeing him framed in the doorway by the faint light from the hall, looking almost golden. Quietly, he holds out a hand, inviting her back to the warmth of their bed, the warmth of his love and all the good moments to come.

She throws one last look at the nursery, the lovely, lovingly-put-together nursery they never got to use, never will use now. Glass unicorns for a baby who isn't a baby now, will never be their baby, but can still be their daughter.

It's time to let the glass unicorns go, the ghost of what might have been, and hold on to the memory of their daughter, she decides.

"I love you, Emma," she says quietly, and steps forward and takes her husband's hand. He lifts their intertwined fingers to his lips for a soft kiss, then leads her back to their bed and away from the ghosts, leaving the glass unicorns to play alone in the dark.

II

FIN


End file.
